"Impatience is the mind’s way of always remaining in charge"
– Colleen Moore
Many times we experience feelings that feel uncomfortable, habitual, and overwhelming. Often these feelings do not resolve easily. When the intensity of a feeling makes us uncomfortable we look for what we can "do" to get rid of the feeling. What we "do"
is try to fix the feeling (to return to homeostasis), or we distract from the feeling
(get busy, mood alter, shop, eat, anger/blame etc.).
When a feeling is intense and overwhelming it is likely rooted in an incomplete feeling from childhood. Incomplete feelings happened because as children we did not have the tools to completely feel our feelings. When we had an intense feeling as a child, we had a sense of overwhelm. In order to avoid feeling overwhelmed or swallowed by the intensity of the feeling, we found some way to avoid the feeling. Once successful at avoiding the feeling, we ‘practice’ avoiding feelings throughout our lives. Avoiding feelings leaves us operating largely from our intellect. (This is like trying to play tennis with one arm tied to our back.
It creates an imbalance and leaves us handicapped on so many levels).
Here is a new possible scenario on feeling feelings: When feelings arise in us, if we stay with the feeling, we can trace that feeling to an intense energy that is felt in our bodies (this is the intense energy that we have gotten so good at avoiding). We can learn to complete the feeling by feeling into the core of this intense energy in our body, until it naturally dissolves on its own. This process is an efficient and rapid way of completing old and new feelings. Completing or resolving any feeling allows for freed energy, leaving us more peaceful, enlivened, and fulfilled.
One way to feel our feelings is to feel into the core of that feeling. This is a technique developed by Tom Stone, CEO, at GreatLife Technologies. The process of feeling into the core of the feeling is to feel down into the core of the most intense part of the energy of an emotion. It is like diving down into the fountainhead of the energy or lasering into the core of the energy, allowing for the feeling to resolve.
First, get present to the charged feeling. Then notice where the energy associated with that feeling is in your body. Once you find the energy in your body, notice the field of energy. You will see within the field of energy there is an area that is more intense than elsewhere. Allow yourself to feel into the most intense part of the energy of that feeling by bringing all your awareness and focus to it. Then just be the observer of what happens to the energy. The intensity of the energy may lessen. When it does, feel into the intensity of that. Your only work is to laser into the intensity of the energy, dropping any and all thoughts. Keep doing this exercise (feeling into the most intense part of the energy of the emotion) until there is nothing left to feel. Once there is nothing left to feel into, you are now out of the grip of the emotion. From this place you will notice a feeling of peacefulness, nothingness, or calmness. You are now in a place of unlimited possibility or pure awareness.
Completing the feeling is the opposite of what you have done all your life. As you continue to find opportunity to feel into the core of a feeling (energy somewhere in your body), you will experience a state of peace and equanimity that has always been there. You will gain confidence that you can feel any feeling, absent of the fear that it will overwhelm you.
Sometimes it is appropriate to feel our feelings. This is most appropriate when present-day feelings (feelings not rooted in childhood) arise. A way to do this is to stop trying to get out of the feeling (fear of being overwhelmed) and just noticed the feeling without the story of the feeling. When you notice the feeling you can then name the feeling (i.e., fear, sadness, loneliness, anger, etc.) from your body's point of view and not your mind's point of view. Once you locate the energy in the body associated with the feeling, and name the feeling associated with the feeling, bring all your awareness and focus into that named feeling without a story about the feeling. Without trying to make it go away. Just noticed the nature of that feeling. Now allow the feeling to tell you about its’ self. This means you have to drop all stories about what you “think” you know about the feeling and drop into the feeling (located in the body). Continue to notice the nature of that feeling. Be the observer. Stay in the energy of that feeling without trying to scramble out. Without trying to make it go away. Without trying to analyze the feeling. When you have noticed the feeling’s full nature then ask from within, "What is even deeper than this?” Then drop into the deeper feeling that is revealed to you. Be the observer and let this feeling tell you about its’ self. Being the observer is staying with the feeling without trying to make it go away. Without trying to analyze the feeling. Be in the full nature of that feeling.
Keep doing this process of inquiry until you get to "no thing". It may feel like nothing, quiet, calmness, or peace. Just noticed the nature of what is there when there is no feeling to feel into. Then asked from within, “What is even deeper than this?” Then wait for what is deeper to reveal itself to you. You will know when you have completed the process because the intensity of the feeling will be completely gone, leaving you in a state of peace.
