"The mind in itself
is not dysfunctional.
It is a wonderful tool.
Dysfunction sets in when you
seek yourself in it
and mistake it for who you are."
Eckhart Tolle,
Author of The Power of Now.
We often place habits and addictions in the category of moral problems. This is a mistake that keeps us stuck on the merry-go-round of trying to quit. What if you saw habits and addictions as simply a human condition common to everyone (name one person that doesn't have an unwanted habit and/or addiction). From this point of view we can use our "human condition" as an opportunity to (1) develop character, (2) define what we really value, and (3) get connected intimately with ourselves. In other words, it is an opportunity to grow spiritually.
How do habits and addictions develop in the first place? In typical circumstances, habits and addictions develop in response to emotional pain. We instinctually move away from emotional pain towards pleasure. How do we do this? The ways we have learned to move away from emotional pain in our society is to live predominately in our "thinking" and/or we seek pleasure from behaviors and experiences.
The avoidance of emotional pain is reinforced by the pleasure we get from certain behaviors and experiences. As we continue the behaviors we get further away from our emotions. We become more deeply embedded in the behaviors. After time, emotions feel more threatening and the pleasurable behaviors more appealing. This is how we develop habits and addictions.
“Thinking” and seeking pleasure are not wrong. The problem is we never learn to face emotional pain head on and resolve it. This creates an imbalance and has us seeking relief from people, places, and things outside ourselves. By looking outside ourselves for relief we loose an opportunity for a powerful and loving relationship with the wholeness within. When you learn to resolve emotional pain you will experience this pain was an illusion that had you running for nothing. The best way to stop habits and addictions is to stop avoiding your emotional pain. Resolve feelings and you will have access to a power and inner peace that is beyond description.
I encourage you to appreciate your unwanted habits and addictions. Whenever you seek support and guidance to eliminate habits and/or addictions, do not look at it as a failure. Look at it as an “opportunity” to bring you back to the best of Who You Are. Returning to the best of Who You Are is an invitation. It is an invitation that I hope you will accept.
In Alcoholics Anonymous there is a saying, "The farthest vertical drop is from the head to the heart". The reason that this rings so true is because when we drop down into our bodies we feel feelings. These feelings are usually the uncomfortable feelings such as a knot in your stomach, a feeling of emptiness or loneliness, a sense of impending danger, and so on. We live in our heads to avoid these uncomfortable feelings. This is why addiction is so commonplace. Using a substance takes away the uncomfortably within.
Twelve years ago I joined a group called "Living in Process". This group focused on feeling feelings without intellectualizing them. At the time I was living completely in my head. It took me three years of participation in this group to learn not to be afraid of my feelings. In the Living in Process group I learned to dive into any feeling and feel it until it went away. I was always amazed by the sense of peace that occurred after the feeling dissolved. About two years ago I came upon the work of Tom Stone, CEO of Great Life Technologies, who developed a much more efficient way to resolve any feeling by going directly into the energy of the feeling. Feelings seen as energy is based upon the theories of quantum physics that suggest everything in the universe is made of energy. Painful emotions and feelings are literally a form of energy in our bodies. The energy from feelings feel as real as the computer I am typing from because they are both made up of energy. We avoid the energy of a feeling because we hold a pervasive belief that we will be overwhelmed by the energy.
Since I have been feeling into the energy of feelings my life has really changed in so many fabulous ways. The best result I can share here is that I now have a continuous feeling of inner peace. This sense of inner peace is also reported by many of my clients who have been feeling into their feelings.
In the past I held a strong belief that if only my circumstances would change I would feel better about myself. With that belief my focus was always on the circumstances. Focusing on the circumstances was a very limiting perspective because I was only looking from outside-in rather than inside-out. From an outside-in perspective I missed opportunities to be fully and powerfully related to my Self.
The change to an inside-out perspective came when I learned to mentally "unplug" from the circumstance and bring my awareness from my head (always thinking) into my body. Wow! Initially there was a lot of resistance to being in my body. I learned through this practice that focusing my attention inward accessed a tremendous amount of personal power that was always there but hidden.
I encourage you to take several moments each day to mentally unplug your attention from the circumstances of your life and drop your attention into your body. Let go of any resistance to being in the body and just rest there. You will find as you practice this that you are a great place to be!
